Sometimes, I'm ok with being lame.

I have made the conscious decision to veto Halloween this year. After degrading myself last weekend with my ridiculous costume, I decided that it would not be in my best interest to dress up, attend any more parties or celebrate the holiday.

I do remember one year where I dressed up as a pregnant nun when I worked at Mrs. Fields Famous Brands. It was the only year in my professional history that I have ever dressed up at work. And, I am pretty sure it will stay that way. However, one year at MFFB we made a spook alley in our department. I im'd Alisa, a former MFFB coworker today to remind her of our early years in the professional world and our ever so appropriate spook alley:


Me: remember when we made a spook alley at MFFB?
Alisa: yes. that was awesome. what are you dressed up as today?
Me: not dressing up
Alisa: what?
Me: i am vetoing the holiday
Alisa: even tonight?
Me: yep
Alisa: lame
Me: not going to any parties
Alisa: more lame
Me: i'm lame. what can I say? That is why you are friends with me, right? Everyone needs one friend lamer than them
Alisa: yes, it makes me feel so much better about myself because no matter how lame i am, i'm no where near as lame as you.
Me: Exactly. So, what are you dressing up as?
Alisa: a christmas tree
Me: that's even lamer than not dressing up
Alisa: no it's not. it's sparkly. So why are you boycotting the holiday?
Me: just not in the mood to get all dressed up and go to some lame party
Alisa: i get i. i wouldn't be excited to go to a church function either, but drunk parties are kind of entertaining when everyone is in costume
Me: oh for sure
Alisa: and statistically speaking, i have a better chance of some drunk guy making out with me. the sober ones sure aren't running.
Me: you better take advantage of someone. i will accept nothing less

I miss Alisa. Alisa, please move back from New York and hang out with me.

In closing, Agency X has a few good costumes here today. Winner of best costume goes to Steve, one of the partners. We've called him Mr. Incredible for the past few months because really, he looks like Mr. Incredible. And so, it was only appropriate for him to dress as himself today:

Happy Halloween all. Enjoy your parties and your cute children. I'll enjoy taking the holiday off.

Pre-packaged clevage on sale for $12.99

Yesterday I went with two friends to a Halloween costume store to look for wigs for our Halloween costumes. We didn't really have a specific person to be, but wanted to be goth rocker chicks. So, naturally black long wigs were in order.

I was lucky enough to find this gem within 30 seconds upon entering the store:

Me: Look Kenz, this is a good one
Kenzi: Oh nice! Does it come with the boobs too?
Me: Doesn't matter. Mine are better.

Mackenzi ended up dressing like Ashley Simpson (pre-plastic surgery) and I stuck with the random rock chick. I looked absolutely ridiculous. I'm embarrassed I actually went out in public...and to a party no less looking so horrible. I might have to dress slutty next week for the actual holiday. Any idea how to dress slutty while still sporting the g's?

Either my butt gets bigger, or my checking account gets smaller. I pick the latter.

This morning I went to the gym. A milestone in my life for sure. I drive by the gym at least twice a day, pay them $27 a month and yet today was the first day in over two months that I stepped into the building. Wait, that's a lie. I went there a month ago to ask them to put up a poster for a 5k event I was on the committee for. Yes, a 5k. No, I didn't run it. Need you REALLY ask?

Anyway, I am putting it out there Internet - that I am going to go to the gym 3 times a week. You must hold me to it. Normally, I don't bend when people guilt me about my lack of physical exercise. What did I do when about 40 people in my ward signed up to run the Wasatch Back? I tried to convince them not to sign up for it. I told them it was actually hell on earth and I couldn't believe that my ward was supporting it.

If you think about it, in a group of friends someone has to be the lazy one, right? Someone has to be the party pooper. Someone has to be the weakest. Someone has to be the one on the hike that is panting and 1 mile behind everyone else. And really, someone is going to be the fat one.

I am ok with being all of the above - except for the fat one. Hence, my decision to go to the gym. I mean, I am already plucking about 1 gray hair a week from my head - I'm not about to start buying clothes one size bigger. I just can't do it. And with winter just around the corner, my winter wardrobe is needing an overhaul.

So really it all comes down to shopping. Because really...what other motivating factor is there....really?

It's all about the presentation

This afternoon I went on a walk with my coworker to our local favorite coffee shop - The Coffee Garden. I usually get their yummy hot chocolate, but this afternoon was so nice I wanted a cold drink. The Coffee Garden offers no such drink. Well, at least one that doesn't contain coffee.

So, I bought one of these:I had purchased one of these before and was made fun of for my choice. Sorry people - but my choices are limited. Work with me. No, don't ask me if I have a sippy cup to put it in. But if you hand me that straw, I'll drink it like I did.

So today, to avoid such teasing, I asked for a cup with ice.


Totally looks like an adult drink. I'm moving up in the world.

Please sir, keep it in your pants

WARNING: There is a disturbing picture included in this post. It's so disturbing it makes me wonder if I ever want to get married. View at your own risk.

This past weekend I traveled down to St. George and Las Vegas to go to another Chicago concert. Yes, I did this same trip before. And yes, people made fun of me. Make fun of me all you want. I can take it.

My friends and I traveled to St. George Friday night and stayed at our bishops house. Bishop and wife flew down on Saturday - so we only had chaperons for Saturday.


The highlight of the trip was that while at the concert, I took a picture of these two drunk ladies dancing. As I stared at them I realized I already had a picture of them... from a year and a half ago at the same concert. Awesome.


Bishops wife was nice enough to buy Mackenzi and me matching t-shirts. I will admit that I loved the shirts because I just thought the message on it was funny. But then I was scalded for not knowing that the phrase on the shirt was actually from a Chicago song. So sorry! Ok, Ok. I don't listen to Chicago regularly...or ever. You caught me.





I did get a guitar pick from the cute base player. Oh wait, let me first say that the base player is not 70 years old like many people think. He's totally only like 30 or something. And for some reason I was totally attracted to him. Even with his cut off button up and green Doc Martens -both of which would normally repulse me - however with him I'm all, DUDE... you're hot! He pretty much loved me. Came right up and sang to me - and then flicked me his pick. I screamed like a 13 year old girl at a NSYNC concert.

Hot man signing to me:

And to repulse you all - I give you the saxophone player:

And while posting this picture, the following conversation happened:

Me: (giggling)
Mackenzi: Why are you giggling?
Me: Just looking at a picture
Mackenzi: What? The pee pee in the pants picture?
Me: Ha! That's going on the blog
Mackenzi: Crap. I am never talking to you again because everything I say goes on your blog
Me: I know. You provide me with excellent material.

Some other pictures from the trip:

Flashback Friday - Farewell, Adios, Au Revoir

As of late, I have received requests for the resurrection of Flashback Friday. I hate to inform you all, but I fear Flashback Fridays are a thing of the past. I know I have been a serious slacker and I fear I am losing valuable readership on my blog. For just this morning when I received my weekly stats report for my blog - my weekly viewership dropped drastically. It made me sad. I blame myself.

So, I guess to make myself feel better and to appease my faithful readers...here is a mini Flashback Friday post.


This picture was taken sometime this past spring - at the height of my coca-cola addiction. The collection of cans were from one day. Yep, one day. Ah, those were the days! I do miss them.

Dear Coke,
I miss you terribly. I miss your burn on my throat and the sweetness of your sugary taste. I miss seeing your 24-pack in my fridge on Sunday mornings. I miss drinking you when I eat Mexician food or any type of fast food. Lemonade just doesn't hold a candle to you. I will have you know that I haven't had one of you in over a month. It has been a tough month. A month of tears, of struggles and of frustrations. But somehow, I have powered through. My days of drinking you until my stomach turned over in pain are a thing of the past.

I totally thought that by quitting you I would lose weight. No weight has been lost. Only gained. For I have now taken up the addiction of candy. My rebound is candy. I'm sorry if this is difficult for you to hear - but candy doesn't hurt me like you did.

I don't know if I will ever come back to you. No matter how appealing you look, I am over you. I've moved on.

Love,
Natalie

If you have good shoes, you will be one step closer to talking to me

I just realized that I haven't posted anything in over a week. However, as I type I also realize that the reason that I haven't written is because my life is boring.

I thought about posting about the party that I went to on Saturday night, but that will just depress me. But since I'm thinking about it...I might as well.

Parties are not and have never been the highlight of my social calendar. I go to them because I have to. Because new people are hard to come by. And because they provide me with new people on Facebook to look at, stalk or debate about becoming friends with.

And so, in tradition of what my last two posts have been, here is a snippet of a conversation between me and a friend* at the party:

Her: Hey, that guy is cute
Me: Go talk to him
Her: Doubtful
Me: Why not? You look hot.
Her: Yea, not happening
Me: Just do it. What do you have to lose?

5 minutes later

Me: So, are you going to talk to him?
Her: No. Look at his shoes
Me: (Looking at his shoes and noticing the ugliness) Oh no! Yeah, good call.
Her: And that is why I'm still single

This conversation did actually happen. But really, the dude had his shirt slightly open to show his freshly waxed chest and he had more gel in his hair that I use in a month. So really, the shoes were just the first of what were many red flags.

I by far was one of the youngest at the party. It should have made me feel really good about myself. However, I stood there thinking, "this is what my life has come to? Going to parties with 40 year old men (not exaggerating) and chicks that are more dolled up than Britney Spears at the VMAs? Shoot me now."

Needless to say, I will not be attending any more of those parties. I'd rather stay home and chill with my cats**.


*Friend asked to remain anonymous
** I don't have cats - but after this party, I'm tempted to get one.

UPDATE: As per Mandarama's comment I will explain the shoes said gentleman was wearing. I looked for them online but was unable to find them. But, they were big, clunky, chunky, round toed, black suede monstrosities. You know, the sole of the ENTIRE shoe was easily 2 inches.

It's friends like this that lift you up when you're down...

Preface: The following conversation is between my co-worker Nicole and I about our current dating situations

Nicole: Nat, we are both on the same level here.
Me: What? Pretty sure we're not.
Nicole: Uh yea, I have taken like 9,000 steps backwards....I'm on your level now.

awkward silence

Me: Thanks. I feel really good about myself now!

**Sorry to post two dating related conversations right in a row. It's apparently all I talk about. Or, it's all everyone else talks to me about. Either way, it gives me something to blog about.