I"m no lesbian, but after my last date I might consider it.*

I feel a little sad that no one commented on my last post.

I guess that is what I get for not posting for nearly 2 weeks.

BUT, my good to honest excuse is that I had a really bad date two weeks ago that has seriously scarred me and I have no desire to be social or converse with people in general. Ok, maybe not that bad. But I am currently against men. They disgust me and I am convinced all single men are losers.

That sounds bitter, yes?

Well, tell me what you would do when a 33 year old male picks you up for a date 30 minutes late (strike 1) on a Friday night, only to take you to get ice cream (strike 2. Um, I like to eat. A lot. So please feed me) and then take you back to his house to watch a movie (strike 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9) where he then proceeds to practically force you to kiss him (strike 10 - 1000). Yep, you would be scarred too. Oh, and then to top it off, have him text you the next night at 11:50 pm asking "what are you doing?"

Good hell. I just turned into a booty call. Don't worry Dad, I ignored him.

Seriously, I haven't had this bad of a reaction to a date since I was like 20. I am actually physically repulsed by men right now. This date was just the icing on a very big cake of losers that I have met over the past few months. As much as I believe that all the single men left are losers, I have to be honest with myself and think that there must be something wrong with me if these are the only men I am attracting.

So, until I have done a full investigation on myself, I am taking a hiatus from men. I really think it's the best thing for all of us.

*I'm really not going to try lesbianism. Don't worry Mom. You'll get grand babies from me one day.

Just call me a seamstress, but don't ask me to sew anything without supervision

So my friend Kristine is having a baby. I tried to convince her that she didn't want to have a child for a few more years, but she didn't take my advise. I know what you are thinking, "why would you not want your friend to have a baby?" Well people, when you are the only single one left out of all your friends you do whatever you can to keep things the way they are. And babies ruin everything.

Ok, they don't. Please don't hate me for saying that. I hear you judging me through my computer. But really, babies definitely change a person. And when that change makes them not relate to me, I don't really like it. Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends and their children. But the older we get, the more separated we are becoming. It's one of the parts of my life that does actually make me very sad. Not sad that I am not married or have children, but sad that I can see distance growing with friends of mine that I have had for over 10 years. Two different chapters in life, one not better than the other, but two different chapters nonetheless.

Well this post is becoming depressing. So let me get back on track.

I wanted to do something different for Kristine and her new baby. And so by some unforeseen reason, I thought I would make a quilt. And let it be said, I don't sew. Penel is an excellent seamstress. However, that talent was not bestowed upon me. But, I did get her Greek skin so I thank her for that.

Anyway, Penel loves to quilt and had a darling pattern for a baby quilt. The next thing I know I am buying fabric and asking the 80 year old lady behind the counter to cut me pieces in "fat quarters". I don't really know what that means. But she did. Apparently, I really need to read up on my fabric lingo. Also, as a side note - every time I go into a fabric store I have to pee. Why is this? Odd.

My mother was an angel and walked me through step-by-step what I needed to do. Cut here, iron here, pin here, sew here. I told her numerous times that sewing was not in my line of work - all the while hoping that she would volunteer to do the sewing for me. But she'd look at me, smile and say "you're doing great." Um, no Mom, that was not the correct answer. Let's try again.

Kidding. Sort of.

After about 100 mistakes (all of which Penel quickly fixed), 800 pricks by those damn pins and just a few (more) cuss words, I managed to finish the quilt. Well, almost finish. The backing, binding and actual hand quilting part still need to be done. All of which will be done by my mom. She's truly an angel. And well, she knew all that was beyond my capability.

Here's a picture of me with the almost finished quilt. I'll leave the totally finished piece for Kristine to be the first to see.


It really does pay to have a talented mother. Now, if I could just get her to cook all my meals for me we would really be in business.

My words were stolen. I feel violated.

Yesterday, I received the following comment on one of my posts:

I think you're funny....
I don't know how I came across your blog...but I did...and I read it yesterday, and all day today...it's safe to say I didn't save any lives at work.....
I hope you're not creeped out!
The end!
I don't know why people would think I would be creeped out by them reading my blog. You do realize that my blog is on something called THE INTERNET. And it isn't private. So, I kind of expect people to read it. In fact, I love it when people who I don't know read my blog. It gives me some sort of weird validation. Plus, I'm totally narcissistic, but what about a blog isn't narcissistic? I also like people to tell me I am funny. Apparently, I need all sort of validation in my life.

I was interested in who this nice commenter was, so I linked to her blog to check her out. You know, that is what happens when you post comments on blogs. You can track these people. Thank you Internet. So, there I am reading her blog post from THAT day and I notice something strange. The intro paragraph to her post sounded really familiar. So familiar that I noticed that I WROTE IT. Freaking chick plagiarized me. WHO DOES THAT? Yes friends, I remember what I write. Even if it was 10 months ago. Or 2 years ago. I know my own writing when I see it. I use way to many commas and an English major probably cringes when they read my writing. But I write like I talk. So get over it.

My post original post can be viewed here

So, I immediately im'd my blogger friends to tell them of the crime. And my lovely friend Miranda didn't skip a beat in calling The Plagiarizer out on her felony. Is plagiarism a felony? It not, it should be.

Miranda's comment on The Plagiarizer's blog:

And just in case The Plagiarizer decided to change her post after reading Miranda's comment, I took a screen shot as evidence:

















Now tell me friends, should I link to her blog so you can all leave comments? Or, should the shame of me posting this be enough to make her feel bad?

My message to The Plagiarizer:
Thank you for reading my blog. I sincerely appreciate your nice comment. However, please don't steal my words. You seem like a lovely person and when you blog, make it your own. After all, isn't that what a blog is for anyway?

A letter to no one.

Dear Internet,

I am sure you have been very concerned about my whereabouts and why I haven't blogged. And well, I don't really have an excuse. Unless I can say I have writers block. Yes, I'll say that. I mean, I have starting writing like 10 different posts, all of which have sucked and I have deleted them. So there, I have writers block.

I am going to blame my lack of thinking/ideas/coherent thought on the fact that I accidentally* rented the 1st dvd in the Prison Break series a week ago and have been sucked into a whirlwind of television viewing that has rendered me completely useless. The show is amazing. You should rent it.

On another note, I signed up for the Utah Woman's Football Clinic. That's right. A football clinic. And no, I don't have to actually play football. No way in hell would i sign up for that. Physical exercise? I think not. Sitting in a chair and learning about football. Just my style. We had our first class last night. We met the coaches, toured the workout facilities, the Utah Hall of Fame and then watched film and learned about blitzes, screens and penalties. What? You don't know what those mean? Well, now I do. Next thing you know I am going to be kicking it with a cold one** and burping with the boys. I'm so going to get married now.

Love,
Natalie

*And by accidentally, I mean I was fully aware of what I was doing and didn't really care.
**And by cold one, I mean a glass of ice water. Remember, I am off the juice.

As good as it might be, Crystal Light is not as good as Coca-Cola

Yesterday I had a coke during lunch and a Costco churro two hours later. You're all, "Natalie, that is nothing to blog about?" And I'm all, "That is a dangerous amount of sugar consumed in 2 short hours. So, it totally is." Because by 3:30 I was seriously considering crawling under my desk, curling up in the fetal position and taking a nap. But apparently that is frowned upon at Agency X. Who knew?

The time has yet again come to stop drinking coca cola. I know. You are probably thinking, "didn't you go off it like a year ago. Um, and like 3 months ago?" And to that I would say yes. Clearly, I have a problem with commitment.

This is where co-worker Jami enters. Like me, she is a coca cola addict. Her addiction comes in the form of Diet Coke. We've bonded over our trips to Wendy's for extra-large coca cola goodness and salty french fries. These are the kinds of friends I like. She also watches trashy reality tv. So, pretty much she is my best friend.

Anyway, we decided that together, we could kick our addiction. And just in case our "promise to not drink" didn't work, we have to pay each other $5 for every coke/diet coke we drink. Money bags I am not. So, no coke for me. Except for today at the Utah game. We both decided that was a freebie.

And as a substitute for our afternoon fixes, we made a pitcher of Raspberry Ice Crystal Light.

The liquid in this is in fact, Raspberry Ice Crystal Light

Wish us luck. Wait, wish me luck. Not her. I could use extra cash. Mama needs some new boots for winter.

Not coke. Sad.