The ice cream had me at hello

Because I am too lazy to write anything remotely interesting, I've decided to just post pictures I took from Austin and Sarah's lovely wedding day. Congrats to the happy couple.

I will have you know that during the bouquet toss I was much more interested in my ice cream cone than the chance of marriage. Because when I didn't catch the bouquet, Jinny looked at me in utter disappointment and said, "you didn't even try!" To which my reply was, "I know."

Marriage for you. Fried Egg Roll for me.

This last week Austin got himself hitched. I can't believe it came so quickly. I swear it was just yesterday that he was born and the world that I knew as the youngest child disappeared. Confession; I actually don't really remember when he was born, but I am sure it was traumatic. I mean, when Austin was born I really wanted a younger sister. Hailey wanted a younger brother. My parents made a deal with us that if he was in fact, a boy - then Hailey would be the first one to hold him. And if he had been a girl, I would be the first one. Well, he came. And he was a he. But, being 4 years old I threw a wild tamper-tantrum and was able to hold him first. My powers of manipulation were strong at the young age of 4. Or I was just really bratty. Pretty sure it was the latter.

Anyway, Wednesday night was the wedding dinner at Hidden Valley. My parents put on a lovely dinner. Austin and Sarah couldn't have seemed any happier. And I couldn't have been more thrilled to break my "fitness plan" and eat half a dozen fried egg rolls.

There are lessons in life that I choose to not learn

Last night I went to FHE (not a shocker, given I have the unfortunate calling of being in charge) and I came to the conclusion that my life is pretty depressing. FHE was combined with two other wards in the Valley. I say Valley because literally, we were in the Valley. Like, South Jordan Valley. FHE was in the BFE. Gosh, the lengths I go for my calling. I better get serious points in heaven.

This combined FHE was a 2 hour lecture on dating. Shoot. Me. Now. Ok, it really wasn't that bad. It was actually quite entertaining and frankly, I probably should have been taking notes. Because clearly, by my current single status, I could use all the help I could get.

The depressing part came when I realized that the week of my brother's wedding (this Thursday), I am sitting in a ward chapel learning how to flirt. Seriously? Is this my life?

However, after I witnessed myself spiraling into a state of self pity and bitterness, I remembered my life isn't depressing at all. Because in 12 short days, I will be joining two friends on a cruise to the Bahamas. We booked the cruise 5 days ago and I couldn't be any happier with such an uncharacteristic spontaneous decision.

It all comes down to the fact that I get a week off of FHE. Definitely an answer to my prayers.
And yes I realize that I will probably have my calling until I learn to love it. Unfortunately, I just don't ever seen that happening.

Strategically, they should follow my lead

I love March for many reasons. 1) Winter is almost over 2) Winter is almost over and 3) March Madness. When the men sit around and research what college basketball team is favored to win, I get online and research shoes. And look at that, my strategy works. For a second year in a row I won my family March Madness Challenge. I won $50. Mama bought herself some new shoes...
Ok, well two pairs of shoes

I just couldn't decide. And since such trivial things make my life so difficult, I just bought both of them. These shoes shall stand as a constant reminder to my dad and brother that I am more knowledgeable in college sports than they are. Or at the very least, that they lost to me.

I cannot be held responsible for anything that comes out of my mouth

If you remember, on Christmas Eve I got into a little accident and posted about it here. Yes, I ended up going out with CAB and although he was very nice - I had no interest in going out with him again. He even asked me the super awkward question at the end of the date of, "Would you like to go out again?", to which my response was of course, "Sure". How else am I supposed to answer that question? Seriously? Just don't ask it. Because you will get the same response whether I want to go out with you or not.

My mother calls me the "One Hit Wonder". To each their own, but I disagree. Why be mean and lead a guy on if I am not interested? And yes, sometimes you can tell after one date if you are not interested.

Apparently, my "sure" response gave CAB the green light to ask me out again. Go figure. I politely declined him and thought that after 2 months I was probably in the clear from running into him. Um, wrong. Miscalculation on my end. Because after an entire mess of court papers, I had to go to court to fight a ticket I was mistakenly given for the accident. And you better believe CAB was there - summoned by the court. Of course. My life is just full of the awkward. Yes, I felt bad that not 4 days earlier he had called me and I never returned his call. But what is a girl to do?

Anyway, at one point me, CAB, cop who issued the ticket and Cute Prosecutor Man (yes, the court worker was totally cute, had no wedding ring on and so of course I was trying to flirt with him without CAB noticing) were in a teeny tiny room together. At the point where Cute Prosecutor noticed that my ticket was a mistake, he told me I could leave - but told CAB he had to stay. And by some unforeseen force the only words that came out of my mouth were, "Ha Ha, Sucka!" Shame and embarrassment immediately followed. And I crawled under the desk and laid there in the fetal position. Ok, I didn't. I just left the room. At least they all laughed. They were probably laughing because they thought I was crazy, but I'll just pretend they thought I was funny. I like that theory much better.

The lesson I learned? Don't speed. Don't follow to close. Don't get in an accident. Because if I do, I run the risk of another embarrassing word vomit situation at court. But then again, I might get to see Cute Prosecutor again.

It might be worth it in the end. Not because I will have a hot body, but because I won't have to go to FHE

Today my boss told me I looked tired. I thanked him for telling me I looked like crap, and then continued to work. Don't ever tell me I look tired on a Monday morning, or ever for that matter. Because more than likely I am tired and by telling me I look tired tells me that I can't fake any sort of emotion.

To help with my tiredness, what I would really like to do is hoard the Cadbury Mini Eggs that are on my coworkers desk. Getting doped up on sugar sounds really good right now. Only because against my better judgment, I have decided to join my friends in a fitness plan that eliminates soda, fast food, fried foods and pretty much all sweets. Oh, and it requires me to work out 4 times a week. I am pretty sure this is the stupidest thing I have ever agreed to do. Well, I take that back, this was the stupidest thing I agreed to do. But this comes in a close second. A very close second.

Apparently I can't get a hot, toned body by eating McDonalds and sitting on my a. Go figure. And since my love handles started forming a life of their own and practically stared asking for money, I decided that I would try and eliminate them. My only other option was to name them and give them their own checking account. Money bags, I am not. Plus, what money would I have left to buy shoes?

So Internet, I am off to the gym. I am ditching out on fhe tonight to go to a hip hop dance class. Come to think of it, I might approach my bishop and say that I need to be released from my calling because I have a class on Monday nights. I'm doing it. Maybe this fitness plan isn't such a bad idea after all.