Sunday, June 8, 2008

I just threw up a little bit in my mouth

*I stole this "memorandum" idea from my good friend Mar. This will not be a recurring post feature, but is something that needed to be said...

Memorandum

To: Mormon Couples of The World
From: Natalie
CC: My Blog Readers
Date: 6/8/2008
Re: Church PDA

After 8 years of attending a singles ward, and numerous times sitting behind couples like you, I find it necessary to write you a memorandum stating my dislike of your PDA during Sunday School - or any church meeting to be exact.

I understand you are in love, or lust, or like - but please refrain yourself for 3 hours on Sunday. There is a time and a place - and church isn't one of them.

I do not appreciate watching you both try and sit on one chair. There are chairs in the classrooms on purpose - not love seats. One chair per person. And watching the poor girl in this relationship sit with one cheek on her chair and one on yours is more than I can handle. You might want to talk to the bishop if you would like to see other forms of seating. But for now, can you please sit in your respective spaces.

I also would like you to stop whispering to each other. Yes, I could thank you for being polite and whispering, but you talk so softly that 1)I can't hear what you are saying (I mean, you are already distracting me from paying attention to the lesson, you can at least have the decency of letting me hear what you are talking about). And 2) You are whispering so softly that your lips are practically in your boyfriend/girlfriends ear. It is kind of disgusting. Actually, really disgusting. Please stop.

And one more thing, if you are going to nuzzle your face in your girlfriends neck - please do it in the privacy of your bedroom. I really REALLY don't want to watch it. And you know what, either does the Big Guy Upstairs.

Also to note, the fact that you have to share your scriptures is another topic in and of itself.

Furthermore, your PDA fest has distracted me so much that I have no idea what the Sunday School lesson was on today. In fact, I was so distracted that I made Kenzi take a picture on her phone - only because I was sitting to close to that "action" to get a decent shot.


In conclusion, if you are one of these couples - please stop. It's distracting. It's gross. And really, it really just makes me sick.

20 comments:

Stephanie said...

oh. my. gosh. we are the same person. there was a young couple in our home ward (go holladay 28th!) who would come to church, sit on the second row, and nuzzle all sacrament meeting. my mother and i wanted to start a petition.

ps. thanks for the blog shout out, it made me feel shiney and new.

Daybreaking Dickersons said...

LOVE that you took a picture. I'm sure the person behind you is blogging about people that bring their cell phones to church.

Mar said...

Good on ya for the picture! Sabbath PDA is intolerable. And the incessant whispering, of any kind in church, is outrageously annoying. I especially hate the whispering in family wards among 50-something mothers who are old enough to know better.

Kristine said...

I don't miss that. Awesome that you made Kenzi snap a shot of it. I'm laughing at the thought of being there hearing Kenzi's phone make the camera sound and everyone looking at her confused. Good times!

Amy said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I freaking love that you took a picture! Amen.

Beth said...

Natalie, you are too funny.

Erica said...

2 words....Amen Sista!!!

mommy dearest said...

The only thing worse than young couples nuzzling is old people. Very gross

youngfam said...

Oh so true. there are some newly weds in out ward that are the worst. ryan and i sit with our kid between us!!

Sarah said...

I go to a family ward, but there are some dirty old people who nuzzle each other's wrinkle skin folds. I'm all for old people sweetness, but old people wrinkle porn is not my thing. And, FYI, for anyone who doesn't already know: you shouldn't have any sort of PDA action with any male member of your family either, no scratching his back, no tickling his neck like some sick FLDS freak.

Mike said...

I think that was me teaching the lesson.

Mike said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Penel said...

From Natalie's 50-ish mom. 1. Who was the young couple in front of Stephanie?, I can't remember anyone doing that. 2. Mar and Sarah (non or inexperienced moms) will someday realize that church is the perfect place to talk to and back scratch your child. They are a captive audience, they have to be polite and listen, and they can't get mad at you and talk back. Back scratching male members of the family gives moms brownie points with their sons. They are often the only brownie points moms are allowed. I am the voice of experience on this. 3. Why didn't you and Kenzi just quietly tell this couple to get a room?? 4.Old people nuzzling is sweet. How on earth do you think you got here anyway?

Stephanie said...

non or inexperienced moms can have thoughts and opinions too. and they are allowed to be different from those more experienced. and one thought isnt necessarily better than the other.

but on a certain level, i agree, affectionate old people are cute. as long as it isn't public acts of groping. thats just wierd no matter what the age.

Seriously, so blessed! said...

Are you just mad bc I'm happy???!

Brooklyn Wilson said...

oh how i miss the singles ward!

Natalie said...

To "Seriously, so blessed":

one word:

WOW.

chiggidy said...

can I get an amen and hallelujah?!

also, could you please cc: this memo to half my stake re: Stake Conference?

thanks in advance,
court

chiggidy said...

and...

seriously? so blessed?

WTF?

Don said...

Awesome! I totally agree!