Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My arm might be dead, but at least my shirt doesn't have snot on it

I had the sudden realization last night that I am not ready for motherhood. I know, I know. There are plenty of proper steps that need to be taken before I push a baby out of my vagina. You know, steps like dating a boy that I actually like. But whatever, those are small details.

But anyway. This sudden epiphany of Natalie-is-not-in-any-way-ready-to-be-a-mother came last night when I attended a Christmas social for a board I am on up at the U. Members of the board were welcomed to bring spouses and children and well, we all know how much I love Christmas parties where you get to bring a date. L.O.V.E Love them. Clearly, I'm bitter and should stop talking.

Instead of doing a dinner, we made care packages for a rest home and delivered them last night. Since the number of children clearly outnumbered the adults, I volunteered to help corral stray children. I noticed one spouse holding twin, one year old boys. And like the gracious person* that I am, I volunteered to hold one. The kid was wiggly and slobbery and had a perpetual running nose, but I just couldn't resist taking care of him.

However, this kid was a tank. Seriously, weighed as much as I do. How on earth was his mom holding both him AND his brother??! I am pretty sure her strength is one of those magical things that happens when a woman becomes a mother. And it was clear after about 30 minutes that I have no such magic powers. My arms were getting so tired that all I could do to take my mind off the pain was to make sure the snot running down the kids nose did not get on my shirt.

And when I finally gave the child back to his mom, my arm died and I had to cut it off. Ok, it didn't die, but HONEST TO GOODNESS I couldn't lift it up. Seriously, it was like someone had punched me in the arm and ran away laughing. And still now, 24 hours later my arm is still sore.

My props go out to all the moms out there who carry their children around with them all day. Your magic powers amaze me.

*gracious mean many things. I was gracious to help. BUT I was also gracious to give that child back after one brief hour. You see how this works?

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