It was great to see you a couple of weeks ago and get my picture taken with you - that was fun. You didn't even try to grab my ass or say inappropriate things to me. Bonus! My gift to you in our picture together. I know you will frame it and put it next to your bed. Mrs. Claus might not be very happy about that though. So maybe just look at it and throw it away.
I know I didn't really ask you for much this year. In fact, I didn't really ask you for anything. I asked my parents for a bigger tv and I am 100% sure I got that. You know, because I went with my dad to buy it. But alas, I haven't asked you for anything. And well I think it might be time. I thought about asking you to send me a personal assistant to run all my errands. But then I realized that the excuse of "I have to run some errands" is a great excuse when I want to get out of something. You know, something like going to the gym. I really like the excuse of being so busy I can't go to the gym, so please don't send me a personal assistant.
You know, all my friends are talking about this Elf on a Shelf. Seems like a great idea. But I was thinking we could use something like that in normal, human life. So instead of an Elf that sits in my house, you send me a man that could do all my dirty work. Yes, I know the logistics of that could be a little difficult given the Elf thing isn't really real. But think about it. Really though, think about it.
Here is a list of all the things I need my Man on the Shelf to do for me:
1) Hook up my new tv that I get for Christmas
2) Kill all the spiders I find in my room
3) Shovel the snow on my sidewalk and driveway
4) Scrape my car in the morning if it is iced over
5) Give me massages when I am tired
I am really thinking this is a great idea. I know I am asking for this a little late so I hope you can pull something out of your hat.