Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Singled Out, brought to you by My Awkward Life

I know it's been ages since I last logged on to this blog. But believe you me, I had some really good excuses. Which, I am not actually going to go into, but they were some doozies.

Anyway. I'm back.

AND, so is my little brother Alex! Got home from his mission last week and it has been fabulous. Seriously, fabulous.

So among many reasons that are too much for this blog, I just have literally had nothing to write about. Until today. Because when I saw that my stake FHE activity was a speed dating activity, I knew I had to attend. And not because I might meet my future husband, but because I knew it was going to be horrible and I would have an awesome blog story. I did if for you, dear readers. I put myself in a completely awkward, horrible setting just so I could entertain the people around me. I'm just nice like that.

And let me tell you. The night did NOT disappoint. It was full of awkwardness and I loved every minute of it. When I first arrived at the stake center, the entire gym was packed with people and they were doing a version of Singled Out. Do we all remember this awesome show on MTV where Jenny McCarthy got her first start? Well I do. And i loved it. So after watching a round of awkward questions and couples getting together, I sauntered my way over to the speed dating. Because how great was this going to be? So great.

And let me tell you. It was awkward on many levels. The first guy I talked to I believe was probably gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but pretty sure he was. The next guy was sweating so bad I wanted to pull a tissue out of my purse and give it to him. The next guy was from Japan and pretty sure he didn't understand one word that came out of my mouth. The next guy, well, bless his heart had some issues. I noticed a hearing aid so I tried to talk as loud as I could. But when he would talk, I literally couldn't hear one word he said. I was like, "is he asking me a question or just talking about himself?" So I just nodded and acted interested. The last and final guy was super handsy. Like, all of sudden he is touching my leg and arm and I am all, "ok, dude, you didn't even ask my name - keep your hands on your side of the aisle".

So, speed dating came in at a total success.

They then did Singled Out again. And since I was just so happy with our speed dating turned out, I was determined to be picked to be one of the 3 girls they interview. They had all the girls in the room stand. Then they starting asking questions and if you had/hadn't done the question they asked, you had to sit down. Well, by some magical force, every since question asked worked in my favor. I didn't have to lie. Some questions were "If you own your own set of golf clubs, stay standing". Check, own golf clubs. "Have you ever been skinny dipping, if you have stay standing". Check, gone skinny dipping. And before you know it, I am on stage relishing in the awkwardness and the great way this night is going.

The "bachelor" came out and he is hidden behind a partition where he can't see us and we can't see him. He then proceeds to ask us questions that we all have to answer. One question was "what is your ideal vacation". The first two girls answered something totally lame and boring. So, I had to do something to pull out the big win. And so I said, "Well, anywhere that has a beach where I can bring the golf clubs that I own and I can go skinny dipping." Pretty sure that right there is what won it for me. And yes, this was a church function and my stake president was present. I'm sure I'll be asked to meet with him soon.

Surprisingly, the bachelor was completely hot. We were escorted over to a "private area" to chat. What would have made it more fun is if they stuck us in a closet for 7 minutes in heaven. But that didn't happen. I could have taught him a few things, because this hot boy was still a boy. A baby actually. Has 3 semesters left in his undergrad....then on to med school. And as much as I would love to be someone's sugar mama and put them through school for the next 10 years, not sure if this was really a match made in heaven. We'll see, though.

And to close off the night, I made my friend Madison go take a picture of him. Purely for the purpose of this blog. Thank you, I hope you have enjoyed the awkwardness that is my life.

8 comments:

Let the Good Times Roll said...

Oh that was hillarious Nat! Welcome back "That's What She Said" - you have been missed! I think the most awkward thing was when they put you in a 'private area' to chat for 7 minutes!

AND NOW, FURTHER ADO said...

I'm glad you're back. I've missed you. hmm, I should just call you, or you should come down here and visit. I won't try and speed date you.

Racie said...

ha ha, ratha and i know this guy. Not super well, but he's the cousin of our friends. He's way cool and would probably be worth being a sugar mama! :)

Penel said...

Has the Stake President called yet?

Natalie said...

Mom,
Nope, hasn't called yet. I think I am safe!

Racie,
That is hilarious that you know him. He seemed like a nice guy :)

Older (wiser, too) said...

I know two sugar mamas who are happy (50 years later but maybe sooner).
The story goes that a man on his death bed saId, "The only things I regret are the things I didn't try".

kristine said...

so glad you're back! And with a great story too!

P-Cute said...

I am so glad you are back and I only know you because of the magic mouse clicks that brought me to you. You are so funny and keep up the the good work.