Privacy is for the birds

It's been awhile. So, naturally, I'm going to post about my recent bout with a UTI. Yes, a Urinary Tract Infection. I know you want to keep reading.

Have you ever had a UTI? Well, I hadn't. I had had bladder infections before, which were horrible. What, you feel like you are going to pee your pants? You want to go to the bathroom and relieve yourself? To bad! You can't! Your bladder isn't working and it will make you think you have to pee but then won't actually let you. Bladder, you bitch!

Ok, sorry about that Mom.

Anyway, I thought a UTI was just a bladder infection. Which, technically it kind of is. My research on WebMD pretty much calls them the same thing. But I've had bladder infections before, and none of them caused the pain that I experienced with my UTI. Hence, the reason I think they are different. Suck it WebMD.

WebMD also says women get UTI's after having sex. And since I haven't so much as touched a boys hand in the last 100 years, I can pretty much rule that out. I did however text Nicole and say "I have a UTI. Sadly, it is not from having hot, passionate sex."

I digress.

I went to InstaCare (which is another story all on its own) after lunch and was given a prescription. Other than feeling like i was going to wet myself every 5 minutes, I felt fine, so i went back to work. At about 4:30 pm, I starting having massive cramps and the most horrendous lower back pain I have ever experienced. I had to finish a few things and didn't leave work until around 5:15. By this time, I could barely stand. I had no idea how I was going to make it home. I prayed, "Dear Lord, help me not pass out or throw up in my car. I need to make it home."

I left work at the same time the entire city of SLC decided to leave work too. Traffic was horrible. I almost started crying but was so focused on my pain I couldn't shed a tear. The second I made it in my front door and to the bathroom I threw up the burrito I had for lunch. The pain in my back was getting worse and I literally thought I was dying. I thought I was having a kidney stone. I called my mom:

Mom: Hi Nat

Me: (Balling my eyes out) MOM! I am dying!

Mom: What? What is wrong?

Me: (Hysterically crying) I THINK I HAVE A KIDNEY STONNNNNNNNEEEEEE!

Mom: Where are you?

Me: (yep, still crying) Home. Dying a slow death!!!!!

Mom: I'll be right there.

I lay on my bathroom floor contemplating my death. Ok, not really. But I thought about all the people that relate kidney stones and child birth and say they are the two most painful things in the world. And well, I decided right then and there if I ever find a boy I like, decided to date, fall in love, get married, have sex and make a baby, I will never do natural child birth. If I can't handle the pain of a UTI, how do you expect me to handle the pain of child birth? To save myself and my future marriage, I'll opt for drugs. Just saying.

So anyway, my sweet mom came and rescued me. She heated up my heating pad, made me comfy in bed and made sure I was ok. And through the miraculous work of western medicine and some mother's TLC, I made it out alive.

I hope you have enjoyed this story and the fact that I actually blogged. Nothing says welcome back like a story about pee.