Sunday, May 10, 2009

I didn't realize that clothes were optional on Miami Beach.

I'm home. I'm safe. I'm alive. Oh, and I'm tan. I thought about applying 45SPF the entire time so I wouldn't end up looking like I am 50 when I am 30. But then I realized that appearance is everything and I need to look good now, so I bagged it and laid out until I was burnt to a crisp. Hurt like a mo' fo' to take a shower, but man it was worth it. My brother in law told me today that I looked like a Latina. I take that as the highest of compliments. I'll worry about the wrinkles later.

Moving on. The cruise was a success. I ate as much fried food as I could consume, drank about 6 Coke's a day and took about 30 naps. I feared that I wouldn't even make it to the cruise when I saw this guy in the airport:

WTF? That book he was holding, yea it was some sort of religious book with strange symbols in it. Luckily, there was no suicide mission and I made it to Miami without incident.

We spent the day in Miami on Sunday where the highlights consisted of: Public transportation to and from the beach with a homeless man that wet himself and stunk up the entire bus. A g-string bikini* 2 feet in front of me on the beach. And dinner with a crack whore and her boyfriend, 5 gangsta's who's vocabulary strictly consisted of the F word, and a homeless man that jumped in front of us in line only to apologize and say, "I'm in a rush". Seriously dude? You're homeless.

The trip could have ended there and I would have been satisfied. Well, not really satisfied, but it provided me with post for my blog.

I'll gather my pictures and post about my trip in the next couple of days.

*Of course I took a picture of the almost naked chick by me on the beach. Welcome to Miami.


Stephanie said...

i am sickened by her nudity, while at the same time jealous of the firmness of her buns.

Christian and Brooke Bowers said...

Oh my hilarious . . .I'm glad you guys are safe and I'm definitely jealous of the tan:)

Kristine said...

Sigh... and I just stayed home and worked and cleaned... what is wrong with this picture??

Next cruise, I'm in... Jake can babysit:)

Daybreaking Dickersons said...

Wow naked girl has a great tan. Hopefully you ended up looking like her by the end.... in more ways than one.


Wishing I was stareing at cracks in miami with the aronma of urine. You're so lucky!